Checking In with LGBTQ+ Youth

In today's climate, it is important for parents and guardians to show up for their kiddos (the youth). Right now, kids who are of the LGBTQ+ experience may be feeling like they can't be open in their surrounding environments. Children may also unknowingly be in value-diverse spaces. Here are some ways that you, as parents/guardians, can show up for your kiddos and support them as individuals. 

Check in with yourself 

• Get to know “The Gender Unicorn”. This way, depending on your child's age, you can ask about how they identify and how they express. Also, by doing a small amount of research, it reduces the likelihood that they will feel the need to explain what LGBTQ+ is, and instead explore how they align with it. 

• See how you feel about things: Regardless of your background, if you want to support and unconditionally accept your child, “sit with it”. Sit in present moment awareness with how your feelings surrounding personal core beliefs or values may interact with you, showing up to support your child. 

• Ask yourself, “Am I prepared to listen openly?”.

• Can you meet them where they are?  Talking is one useful way of communicating; however, producing art (such as drawing, poetry, or painting) can offer another non-threatening way for adolescents to explore and express their feelings with adults.

Create the space 

Set the tone/ energy by picking a space that you both feel safe, open to talking in, and has few distractions. If the goal is to support your child, open the conversation with that intention: “ I want to check in with how well you feel supported by me…” Or  “ I want to support you better, and I would like your input.”

Listen without judgment

No matter the subject, if you have asked someone to sit and talk, please allow them to communicate openly.

• Consider how you use curiosity when asking questions, for example, “How do you see LGBTQ+ being more or less accepted in your school (classroom, sport, group hobbies)?”, versus “You're not getting bullied, are you?” 

• Use silence well; neither of you has to be quick to respond or say the first thing that comes to mind. 

• Be genuine: They may ask you questions as well, if you don't know, that is okay. It is completely acceptable to be honest and genuine and say, “I don't know, but I will find out or source information.” 

Affirm

Affirm that it takes courage to be vulnerable and talk about their emotions,  thoughts, and identity. Show them that you acknowledge and appreciate that they explored their world with you. 

Be consistent

If it's the first time checking in with yourself, creating a space of authentic openness and listening without judgment concerning new or uncomfortable topics, it will become easier with consistency. 

Sources National Library of Medicine, 2001: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC1071468/ American Psychological Association, 2022: https://www.apa.org/topics/parenting/helping-kids